WORDS CARRY WEIGHT

I believe we all saw the caption "Man proposes but God disposes." Jamb admitted to an error that caused the mass failure for thousands of students in the just concluded examinations. And when they wanted to openly admit it. They still choose to blame God. That's not the purpose of this write — because that itself is another different narrative to talk about on its own. But it actually birth something, something dark and terrible — that I want us to discuss. 

A 19 year old girl committed suicide. Why? Because she failed her "Jamb examination." She killed herself — I don't know how because I didn't bother to read it. But she ended it. A few days later the authorities in charge admitted that the cause of the mass failure was an error on their own part pointing that it was God's disposition. The lacklustre statement. The state she wrote the exams being one of the major states affected. A huge slap on that ministry's face by the way. Now, let's get to it. 

Let's assume her name is X, as a matter of facts. Let me go read about it — I will be back in a bit.  

                             ***

I am back. I know I am crazy. Yes, but I can't be anything else aside that. Timilehin was her name and she stayed with her sister in Ikorodu, Lagos. Now I can tell you emphatically that her sister killed her. If not her sister then it's her parents, or her friends, or church members, maybe that environment. The major point is that it's people very close to her that got her killed. Now, I know you would ask me "why" and here is my take — the answer is simple, what people said to her after she saw that she failed her exams, in a simpler term — "Words," yes, words killed her. 

In the premises of relationship and cordiality, people forget to note that what we say to ourselves is actually powerful and they carry huge weight. Words can be very heavy and also very light. Yes, she failed jamb. Yes, she got a score lower than that of last year (She did Jamb a year ago, got a good score but couldn't gain admission — another slap on these institutions's faces). All these don't warrant harsh statement or feedbacks. We all knew later that Jamb was at fault which was then too late but let's say they weren't at fault, it still did not warrant negative talks. I know someone will be wondering in his/her head — "Dibango, you de there?" How you take know say them talk bad things to her? 

Let me explain, she was 19. What is a 19 year old rushing for? What's with the impatience? What's with the excessive need to again admission? What's with the pressure? In Nigeria, due to the fucked up system. 19 year olds from poor family don't gain admission easily except of course they know someone who knows someone — there are exceptional cases, true but very few. Or maybe the student wants to go study one yamayama course. But you see these major courses, either you meet the cutoff marks or you know the VC or you are an indigene of that state, else no admission. We all know these things, yet "dem de pressure the poor girl for house till she kpai herself." 

All these are coming from the immediate environment — people closest to us wants us to deliver. By fire by force. We don't talk about this things very often but they are there. I have experienced it firsthand. When all my mates got admission and I was still at home. I knew what I heard from people, close people by the way — "What are you doing with your life now?" "Victor, you no serious oo," "Victor, Na only woman you sabi." "Victor, you no go go learn work like this (one of the reasons I learnt barbing)." Even from my own folks. I heard some unpleasant things that made me felt worthless. Unworthy. Little. I doubted my potential. Any little error and you are ascribed to failure. It's like you on a leash, a very tight one. And you are being monitored constantly, not even because they cared but because it feeds their ego. You are not allowed to breath. They know your problem "allegedly" but they can't even profer one singular solution towards it. Do you know in another scenario — the parents, elder sister or extended family would have just said "don't worry, oya come and go to a private university (for she got 190 — because if that was on the table, she will not kill herself)." But no, all they do to you is nag, nag, nag. Especially if you live in an environment where education is paramount like mine. "You go hear words oo" — I laugh, so yeah. 

She went through those shits. Those statements. Those comparison. I think one of the must effective way to quickly bring down a person's spirit is to compare them with someone else especially at a task he/she knows inwardly that they are good at but due to some circumstances beyond their control they are failing at it — it kills the zeal. The desire. The hunger. The aspirations. Everything will go. So it takes a person who is strong mentally to withstand such trials and all these other factors. And definitely, it also takes the grace of God. I don't know but I think some of her friends would be in school already. So one can guess/understand the anticipation of also gaining admission — "pressure ti wa." So people in her close circle didn't manage the situation very well and she was not paid closer attention to. She was 19 for fugg sake — a young adult. So yeah, she was neglected and talked negatively to. So she just opted to end it, because in her head — she has no value and she is not even important. So I believed, she asked herself. Why am I even here? And when no encouraging answer came to mind, she got her confirmation and exited the land of the living. I know her soul would be screaming as it ascends into the heavenly, they didn't want me down there. So I left for my own sanity. 

Our words matter, especially to our loved ones. Words are golden. Precious. They should be treasured. And not used anyhow. Parent should learn to manage failure in their children. No one helped me, I recovered but I also know that I was lucky. Nah, it was luck and probably lots of weed. I am not that smart or strong-willed. We all have a breaking point. And once we get there, it takes the grace of God to hold us together especially when everyone closer to us is against us using their words wrongly. Timilehin didn't get to survive. A shame. I hope the next person is not so unlucky. And you, yes you — don't kill a person with your tongue.