SHOULD I FORGIVE A CHEATER?

Someone reached out to me. She asked — "Dibango, should I forgive my cheating boyfriend?" I told her. I am honestly not the person to come to for such advice. For I too had this character flaw in the past. I have since learnt that what you don’t want done to you, don’t do such to others. So I asked her, in truth and all sincerity to tell me what happened. People cheat for fun, true. But sometimes, it's just a reaction to an action. What were his core values? Because before you began dating, I believed you assessed and confirmed he was a person of good character, morals and high standards — so if he suddenly cheated now. Something happened. For character is like a flame, no matter how you cover it — it finds a way to show forth.

In the dating pool nowadays, there is a lot of loops. I don't know why it is like that but it has always been so for some time now. A part of what I mean is the fact that sometimes who you like will not like you and the person that likes you, you will not like romantically. It's just an ache in the neck. So my first advise to anyone reading this is to firstly find someone that is into you as much as you are into them. It will not eradicate cheating totally but it will minimise it to a very minimal extent. Because when your partner have compassion and pity for you, they wouldn't want to hurt you. So this is me telling you to stop dating people that don't like you. Or having that awkward mindset that you can change a person. You cannot. You can only change yourself. 

So should I forgive my cheating girlfriend/boyfriend, for context. The shorter answer is yes but the longer answer is no. You will forgive because we are all humans and we make many mistakes naturally, cheating been one of them. And you will need to move on, for your sake. You need that forgiveness to move on. But I would advise not to forget. Forgetting invites repetition. Then another weird thing is that if you had encountered guys or girls that are always cheating on you. You gots to ask yourself, why? Because if you had being in three relationships and the reason for the breakup is because they cheated on you. You might want to start questioning your choices/character. The choice of the person you choose to be with. What are their morals. Their non-negotiables. Why? When something happens once, it's an event. Twice. A coincidence. Thrice, then it's a pattern. And once anything gets to the pattern stage — it will not stop. It continues. So if your past 3 relationships ended because your partner cheated. Observe to note what's going on (with you). 

Back on point. Cheating is not a mistake. It never was. It was a premeditated plan that was carry out with a perfect execution. The cheater is always conscious of their actions. They know exactly what they are doing. Nobody trips and falls into betrayal. There is a sequence: A meeting. A number exchanged. Conversations hidden. Boundaries crossed. Lies told with confidence.
And finally, an act executed with full awareness. They knew. Every step of the way. They say "even if you can resist the devil — you should still not hang out with him." Eventually you get to find out, whichever way you found out don't matter. What matters is that you found out. And what we forget most times is that just like dying — cheating leaves the other partner in the limbo of constant negative thoughts. What did I do? What didn't I do? Did I offend her? Did I stopped been a good partner? So many questions runs in your mind. Because when a person dies — the dead person is gone. The ones left behind are the ones that cries and have regrets. Cheating is just like that too. You are left with the scars. Scars of a war you never even fought in. 

They didn’t trip and fall into someone else. They walked. They planned it. They lied while holding a steady gaze. They put it back in when it slipped out.
They came home and kissed you when they had already chosen to betray you. That wasn’t a moment of weakness. It was a decision. A performance. A cruelty rehearsed behind your back. So yes. Some things shouldn’t be forgiven. Some things should stay broken. Some trust should never be rebuilt. Some betrayals do not deserve redemption. Some apologies don’t matter. Let them live with that. Let them rot in it. Let the silence be the answer. Don't let him sleep soundly knowing he was never held accountable. He choose hell. Let he live in it. Burn in it even. Love is choice. Loyalty is choice. Cheating is also choice. And choices — especially the cruel ones — come with consequences.

Listen to Baki 
Always remember what baki said to his girlfriend... 

You belong to no one, but there's a relationship only between us, and it means nothing to other men. Anyone can fall in love with you, and they are free to ask you out. You should decide who you like more. If I'm not good enough, you can choose someone else. 
~baki

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