HOW TO CHOOSE A HUSBAND

My beautiful ladies reached out, they too wanted to know what to look out for in a man. I didn't even know my last piece surge some dormant instincts. Well well, here it is; how to choose a husband based on standards, the blueprint and not illusions. 

1. Character and temperament. He must possess strength without intimidation. Can disagree without humiliating you. Accountable without excuses. Integrity always when no one is watching. Emotionally regulated too under pressure. Anger is controlled, not suppressed or explosive. Has a calm authority, not performative dominance. 

2. Values and discipline. Loyalty is a principle, not a mood. Delayed gratification is normal to him. His self-respect precedes entitlement. Low impulsivity with money, sex and decisions. Doesn’t chase validation or female attention. Keeps boundaries especially when tempted. Not addicted to gambling — he can take risks but not the unnecessary ones. 

3. Social behavior. Private life stays private. Prioritizes protection and provision. Not addicted to status signaling. Disciplined with alcohol, drugs, nightlife and the excess. Respected by other men (not feared, not mocked). They listen to him and can follow him. His reputation precedes him. 

4. Relationships and history. Peace is his baseline, not constant conflict. Doesn’t define himself by past women or failures — he has healed from his traumas. No addiction to novelty or conquest. No unresolved ex-dramas lingering in his life. History shows learning, not repetition. He has no baby mama(s). I just remembered I forgot to add this in my previous piece — you should not be a baby mammy too. 

5. Family and imprint. Respects his mother without being controlled by her. Understands masculine responsibility from example or correction. It comes from or has been built through structure and order. No pattern of abandoning commitments under pressure. Understands leadership because he’s practiced it. Have a strong constant relationship with his father. He has someone who he will listen to (to call him to order) no matter how tough the situation is. He must be an outlier, a man who can think for himself. 

6. Communication and respect. Speaks directly without manipulation. Listens without ego fragility. Doesn’t weaponize silence, anger or provision. Protects your reputation publicly and privately. Conflict is handled, not avoided or dramatized. 

7. Work, purpose and provision. Has direction, not just ambition. Makes consistent effort, not big talk. Builds steadily, not impulsively. Sees provision as responsibility, not leverage. Money decisions too are rational, not emotional. He must know God and understands His purpose for his life. 

8. Attraction and intimacy. Attraction is natural, not coerced. Desire exists without entitlement. Craves sex as connection, not control and he must be good in bed to you. Craves a stable affection, not conditional. Strength and gentleness coexistence. 

9. Timing and readiness. Chooses marriage consciously, not reactively. Not escaping loneliness or social pressure. Understands sacrifice without bitterness. Wants partnership, not dominance or dependency. Your nervous system settles around him — you just know within your loins that he is the one. 

The summary rule, as a woman. Don’t marry charm, don’t marry intensity, don’t marry promises. Don't marry him because he seems like the perfect guy for you from other people's perspective. Don't marry him because your Pastor told you so. Don't marry him because he has material things to show off. Marry discipline, consistency and leadership. Marry your future. Your life will become steadier, not chaotic. Your trust will deepen, not negotiated. Your future will feel protected, not uncertain. Bookmark and save for later, sisters. 

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